i don’t like the whole “you can’t love someone until you learn to love yourself” idea because uhhh
wow people who are hurt and abused and damaged deserve love just as much as someone else
love generally does not work when it’s one-sided. love is the interaction between one person and another entity, like another person or a book or a work of art
and usually when people have trouble loving others it’s because their previous relationships with people have taught them messed up ways of love
where do you think these people are going to learn healthy ways of love? from a magical wise space turtle in their heads? they have to go out there and love and hurt and make mistakes and learn what it’s like.
you can love someone the moment you start loving, okay? of course with time you eventually learn the deeper complexities and nuances, but you are not required to love yourself first
most of the time you can learn to love yourself at the same time that you love someone else
something I realized after I hit bottom, when I thought I was done, was that I was able to feel kindness and sympathy toward others. even when I was sure there was nothing left, that was there.
and that taught me that I wasn’t wholly lacking in good qualities. I wasn’t thoroughly bad. I could love. expressing love and caring toward others, even in the smallest ways, helped me learn that I had good in me still.
often in recovery I’ve heard the saying “if you can’t love yourself, let us love you until you can.” to that I would add, “if you can’t love yourself, love others until you can.” that doesn’t mean you’re going to know how to do it in a healthy way all at once. but just the knowledge that you’re capable of it can help you understand that there’s hope for you yet.
i was going to angrily reblog the post of someone who didn’t get it, but i liked the positivity here better